Several people I have spoken to recently are at the beginning stages of their adoption process but feel like they are not being given “all the right information” or they feel like something just isn’t right. Whether it is from the adoption attorney, the adoption agency, a social worker, etc. something is either sounds too good to be true or there is “just something I can’t put my finger on”. Sound familiar to you? If it does, RUN! The most important message I can pass along to you is trust your gut. That tiny voice in your head, even if it is a whisper, stop and listen. Heed the warnings. It will save you heartache and disappointment in the long-run.
As with any other life changing event, you would (or should) do your homework. Getting married? Hopefully you have dated awhile and met his friends, family and definitely made sure he has a good relationship with his mother. (I made THAT mistake!) Having surgery? You would obviously make sure your doctor is Board Certified, had done this procedure several hundred times (successfully) before with many satisfied patients at the hospital you are planning on using.
It is the same with adoption, domestic or international — interview the adoption agency and/or attorney in person if at all possible. Be prepared with a laundry list of questions that are important to you. Don’t let them rush you. Ask for a list of references and follow up and call those people! Find out how their experience was, get details (as much as they will share). Join support groups, online and in your home town. For example, RESOLVE, (www.resolve.org) The National Infertility Association, is a non-profit organization with the only established, nationwide network mandated to promote reproductive health and to ensure equal access to all family building options for men and women experiencing infertility or other reproductive disorders.
Their mission statement is: ” to provide timely, compassionate support and information to people who are experiencing infertility and to increase awareness of infertility issues through public education and advocacy.”
RESOLVE is not just for infertility, they are a great adoption resource as well. In fact, in many communities they have Adoption Expos and Conferences once or twice a year. I highly recommend looking in to your local chapter and signing up for their quarterly newsletter.
Once you have made the decision that adoption is your pathway to parenthood start telling people you are adopting. If you are not comfortable telling your family yet, tell the lady on the bus next to you or the person standing in line next to you at the market, you will be surprised how much you will learn from other people about their experiences. You will also be touched at how complete and total strangers are genuinely thrilled for you.
So do dive in, but remember knowledge is power, however, knowledge + homework+ networking + gut = EMPOWERMENT!
